Why this time?

People have asked me “What is different about this time?  What makes you think it is going to work this time?” 

Well here is my answer:

In the past I have always thought of myself as not as fat as what others see.  I looked at myself in the mirror and think “oh I don’t look that heavy” but it was just recently I took a long hard look in the mirror and saw what others see and I now see it every time.  I honestly can’t believe I let myself get to be this big.  It is utterly disgusting, if you ask me and I am sure some people out there will agree. 

I have just set it in my mind that I need to do this for me and no-one else!  I want to be able to run after my son, I want to fit into that size 29 jeans I used to wear 10 years ago, I want to be healthy when I have my second child, I want my husband to be proud of me.  This is for me, not for anyone else.  I am the leader of this mission and no on will tell me different.  No one will hold my hand, I have to want to do this and I DO!

Food is my addiction and it takes a lot for me to admit that!  I am addicted to food and pop.  For those of you who did not know this next thing about me I am sorry to tell you now, but I smoked for years and quit cold turkey once my son was born.  When I did that it was hard and I struggled with it for a long time and still do but I over came it and I will with this as well.  The first few weeks, even months are going to be extremely difficult but this is something I need to do.  I keep telling myself that I can’t get any heavier and my son needs his mother.  This fat on my body is making me lazy and depressed and flat out bitchy.  Three things I don’t like about myself. 

I have issues eating while watching TV, I like to snack.  My good friend told me that she knits while watching TV.  I don’t know how to knit (would love to know how) but I know how to crochet and I have an abundance supply of wool (because I am also a shopaholic) on hand, so I am going to be making dishcloths while I watch TV – keeping my hands busy.

I have gone to the gym the last 3 days.  I am not going today and I feel a little guilty about that but I can only push myself so far.  I am going to jump on my Wii tonight instead and do a few games and return to the gym tomorrow morning.   

My two week diet challenge also started today (even though I sort of started it yesterday) it is going good so far.  I haven’t had any pop yet today.  The trainer at the gym did allow me to have 1/3 cup of pop a day until I am unable to go without but I am trying to not have any all together.)

I am VERY proud of myself for this, even if there are those out there that are not. For those that aren’t - I am not sorry!  I have come along way to make these decisions in my life and I have a very long journey ahead of me.  Thanks to all of those who have my back and will support me along the way.  

Bri